I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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