She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
