Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
