i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The beer is more important than you right now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
