It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
