I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize