I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
