i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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