Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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