i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
