I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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