He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
