I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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