Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
