If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
