when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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