Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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