things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
third nipple confirmed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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