"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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