He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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