Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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