We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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