Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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