I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
