Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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