Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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