you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
