I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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