he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
