What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
