The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
