He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
