Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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