Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
