Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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