They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
