youre lurking in front of me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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