just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My penis needs a shock collar
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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