Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
