it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
