Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
