Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
