hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
