At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
