That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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