Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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