my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
