I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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