My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
