Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
