Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
