hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
