How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
