I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
