there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
