i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
