I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
