I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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