my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
