Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
