I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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