I'm eating all of the evidence.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
