Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
