Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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