He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
