My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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